I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
