just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You made out with two different species that night
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
