You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
