I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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