Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
