My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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