i just had sex bonerless
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
