I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
She even gives head with a lisp.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
