Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
