so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
