I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize