Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
