plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
