Sry I called you an 8
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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