it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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