you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize