Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
