Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
