the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
