when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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