i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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