Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
