Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
foreskin is a definite game changer
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
