Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
