Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
