my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
