ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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