i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just cut my nipple shaving
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
