You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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