What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
