I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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