I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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