Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
