I accidentally burped into my bong.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
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