did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize