haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
