k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
