Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
