You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
