Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
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