Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
