Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
