You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You're like the curious george of whores
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
