I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
