dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize