they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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