i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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