I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
