My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
two words...techno handjob
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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