ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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