My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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