if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
