Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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