the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
