did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
