She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Randomize
