The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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