just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
