The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
