my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize