So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I AM VODKA MAN
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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