I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
