Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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