After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
