We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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