I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
