I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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