if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
