Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
