dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
