Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
