dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
We need to rekindle our bromance
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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