yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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