Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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