So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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