I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
