wrigley field is MILF paradise
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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