i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
