My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
