Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
