Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize