I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
