I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
