If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
