and next time when you feel me up, do it right
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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