I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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