I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize