I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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