I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
