watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
