You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
